What your ADHD Grandchild Wishes You Knew: A Grandparents’ Guide to Understanding ADHD

Dear Grandparent,

Spending time with your grandchild should be a joyful and meaningful experience. But if your grandchild has ADHD, you may sometimes feel confused or even frustrated by their behavior. You might wonder why they don’t listen, why they seem so impulsive, or why traditional discipline doesn’t work.

I want you to know—it’s not bad parenting, and it’s certainly not bad behavior. ADHD is a real, brain-based condition, not just a set of difficult behaviors. And understanding this can make all the difference in how you connect with your grandchild.

ADHD Is Not a Behavior Problem—It’s a Brain Difference

For many years, ADHD was misunderstood as a behavioral issue caused by a lack of discipline or effort. However, research has now confirmed that ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition, meaning it stems from differences in brain structure and function. In 2013, the American Psychiatric Association officially redefined ADHD as a neurobiological disorder in the DSM-5, shifting the conversation from discipline to brain-based support. (Source)

What does this mean for you? It means your grandchild isn’t choosing to be forgetful, impulsive, or hyperactive. Their brain processes information, emotions, and self-control differently than other children.

How to Best Support and Connect with Your ADHD Grandchild

Your love and support mean the world to your grandchild, but certain approaches can make your time together even more positive and fulfilling.

1. Be Patient with Impulsivity

ADHD brains struggle with impulse control, which means your grandchild might interrupt, blurt things out, or struggle to sit still. Instead of frustration, try gentle redirection and understanding.

2. Give Clear and Simple Instructions

Long or vague directions can be overwhelming. Instead of, "Get ready for bed," try, "Please put on your pajamas first." Giving one-step instructions at a time makes it easier for them to follow through.

3. Praise Effort, Not Just Results

ADHD kids often hear a lot of criticism, even when they’re trying their best. Recognizing and celebrating their effort—"I love how hard you worked on that drawing!"—can boost their confidence and motivation.

4. Avoid Saying Things That Might Hurt

Even well-meaning comments can be discouraging for an ADHD child. Try to avoid:

• "Why can’t you just sit still?"

• "If you just tried harder, you could do it."

• "You’re being lazy."

Instead, reframe statements in a supportive way:

• "I see you have a lot of energy! Let’s take a movement break together."

• "That looks tricky—want to work on it together?"

5. Respect Their Need for Movement

Sitting still for long periods can be especially difficult for children with ADHD. If your grandchild seems restless, allow for movement breaks. Going for a short walk, stretching, or even fidgeting can help them focus better.

The ADHD Label Isn’t a Bad Thing—It’s a Key to Support

You might feel uncomfortable with the ADHD diagnosis, but it’s not something to be ashamed of. In fact, understanding ADHD helps children get the right support so they can thrive. Think of it like wearing glasses—if a child has trouble seeing, they need glasses to help them navigate the world. ADHD strategies work the same way.

Final Thoughts

You don’t have to be an ADHD expert to make a big difference in your grandchild’s life. Just by showing patience, offering encouragement, and adapting your expectations, you can strengthen your bond and make visits more enjoyable for both of you.

Thank you for taking the time to understand your grandchild’s unique way of seeing the world. Your love and support matter more than you know.

Resources for Learning More

• CHADD (Children and Adults with ADHD): chadd.org – A trusted source for ADHD education and resources.

• ADDitude Magazine: additudemag.com – A trusted resource for ADHD news, strategies, and expert insights.

• ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association): add.org – A support organization providing resources for ADHD individuals and families.

• How to ADHD: https://www.youtube.com/c/howtoadhd - A collection of videos destigmatizing ADHD and offering insights into the diagnosis as well as tips on how to cope with the symptoms.